spk_0:   0:00
Do you feel like a squirrel running around the world trying to get a nut? Do you find yourself feeling invisible or unheard? Are you craving more closeness and connection with someone you love? It is the month of love, and today we're going to share some simple tools with you that you can use in any relationship to feel more seen, more heard and more connected. Let's go get that nut.

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Welcome to the simple, joyful home podcast. Join Emily and Alicia to Mom's Doing Their Best. This is a podcast about Come Follow Me and The Book of Mormon and how anything You Learned from the Scriptures can be transformed into practical and simple solutions to strengthen your home, your relationships and even yourself. If you're ready to triumph over self doubt and increase the joy in your heart and in your home, join them on this inspired journey. Take it away, ladies.

spk_0:   0:52
Hey, it's Alicia and this is Emily and this week for Come, Follow Me for February 10 through the 16th its second Nephi, chapters six through 10 and we're spending our time in two verses of Chapter seven versus four and five. This is Jacob. He's teaching, and he is quoting Isaiah and he is speaking messianically, so, as if it's the savior speaking. We're taught to emulate the Savior and to learn from his example, and these two verses are just so packed with ways we can learn from Him. We're gonna break down these two scriptures and highlight two tools you can use to strengthen yourself and your relationships. First, we're going to learn from verse four, how to set Yourself up to be seen and Heard. Second, we're gonna learn how to wake from weariness. You know that feeling when you're mentally, physically, emotionally just tapped out. If you stick to the very end, you'll even hear us trying our best and leaving you with a whole lot to laugh about. I'm super excited!

spk_0:   1:53
All right, that first one, set yourself up to be seen and heard. We all have those times when we feel unseen and unheard. If you go to second Nephi. Chapter seven, Verse four. It says the Lord God has given me the tongue of the learned that I should know how to speak a word in a season. Un toothy oh, House of Israel, tongue

spk_0:   2:15
of the learned sounds like

spk_1:   2:17
a cool thing we would want if we look in the footnotes it in Luke 2115 it says, for I will give you a mouth, which we

spk_0:   2:25
all have, and wisdom,

spk_1:   2:27
which is debatable. Sometimes I have a mouth. So how do I gain that wisdom? But if you go to second Nephi, Chapter seven, Verse four says God had given me so Christ the tongue of the learned that I should know how. And I thought,

spk_0:   2:41
Oh, so even Christ was

spk_1:   2:43
learning how. Which means we can learn how he was putting in the work. And we can do that as well. We can follow his example and know that we can learn this. It goes on to say to speak a word, it's much more difficult to speak a word than a sermon. Sometimes we try and explain to our kids why they shouldn't do something. And they're like, you could have just said, Don't do that instead of the long lecture You just

spk_0:   3:06
gave me an early explanations like, Oh, hey, did you Did you hear that led me to say it again? E. So I think that's what makes kids so cool to listen to because they're so simple in their words. They're just so narrow down, it could be just one word. They say that really stands out. It's really neat. Tell us to do. But sometimes we get so wrapped up into filling in the

spk_1:   3:24
space. It's so true, it's really helpful to break it down and be more like the savior and really speak a word instead of many, many words that don't accomplish our mission and bring us closer and strengthen us when we say a lot of words were doing that because we don't feel scene, we feel like I have to keep talking to you so that you'll get me. Yeah, and maybe there's something else we can do to feel like they get us or CS. Yeah, you can speak a word in a season, and this is where we really find the answer to setting ourselves up, to be seen and heard.  

spk_1:   4:01
  The savior is saying I will speak a word in a season, which means there are different seasons and he's choosing the right one to speak in. And so in a season is the period of time characterized by particular conditions and those conditions are usually weather. Is it spring? Is it fall? What are the characteristics associated with those and the temperature and the same applies to our communication. So the weather what are the conditions around you when you're trying to have a conversation about something that's important to you? Are you trying to talk to your spouse when it's allowed and you're getting interrupted 100 times? When are we trying tow? Have our conversations? If we want to be seen and heard, let's do the very best we can to set everyone up for success for that to happen. And one of those things is looking at the weather. Looking at the conditions around us. The next thing is looking at the temperature, taking the temperature of you and whoever you're trying to talk to. If you want to feel seen and heard, then it's really helpful. If the other person isn't already really angry or you're not really angry or distracted or multitasking, really taking the temperature of where you are individually in your ability to have the conversation, are you going to go plant your garden in the dead of the winter? It just doesn't work.  

spk_0:   5:30
Yeah, my house with lots of kids. And when everyone comes home and they want to tell about the day, it's really hard for me to just sit and focus on someone when there's lots of other things happening. And then when the husband comes home, it's even more chaotic. It's special, and I know there's a lot on his mind or I have a lot on my mind, and I'm just dying to talk to an adults. And it is. I've tried to have conversations when I'm like trying to cook dinner and there's like a baby crying at my feet and and we can't even hear each other. And we're like looking at each other across the counter like this is not working, so it just increases the level of frustration. Does that really does? So I totally this when you said all those things I'm like, I know exactly the moment of that time of day. I couldn't visualize it right in my head because I totally have tried to do that, and we do.  

spk_0:   6:19
We crave the conversation so much we want tohave it. But then we're so frustrated when it doesn't go well or we feel like we're not heard and not seen again. Another one of the definitions of season is a period when something is best or available. So if you think about your conversations, it's when the other person and you are at your best and available for the conversation. And

spk_0:   6:48
kids have got to be in bed. Amen. That's what all of our predictive conversations happen. Let's we're too tired taken spiral into something else. But it's turned really the you have to make

spk_1:   7:00
that happen. World just never happens, taking the time setting it aside to have your conversations when they can be productive, when you they can actually show you that they see you and express to you that your herd. Then you just set yourself up for an increase in strengthen your relationship. So the tools to help us find the right weather and the right temperature and to feel more scene and more heard are asking things like Is now a good time verbally out loud or in your mind, like is now a good time before you go into any conversation with your spouse or your kids or your parents? Whoever it might be is now a good time. What's the weather like? What are the conditions around me like? Yeah, and what's the temperature? What's my temperature? Am I ready and in a place to have success here? And what is their temperature being aware that there's two different temperatures you're taking,and then if it's not the right time, it's okay to say you are really important to me and we need to check in. So when can we do that? If you think scheduling a time on your phone is difficult, try having that really needed conversation. Yeah, like if this is hard than you for sure don't want to have the conversation.

spk_1:   8:20
So take three minutes, pull out your phones, set an alarm and have a conversation when you both know what's coming and that even that alone makes you feel seen and heard.

spk_0:   8:29
Oh, yeah, for sure. I love that. When my husband is able to do that, can we talk about something later? Oh, yeah, So my husband and I tend to have times like after the kids go to bed to have conversations. We really enjoy that, Um, but sometimes it's hard to have conversations and connect with our kids because when they are awake, all of them are awake and it is like a hurricane inside my house. And so we were having wondering how we were gonna be ableto better This and I was talking to a friend and she gave us this idea of having just one on one time on fast sundaes. This was such a simple process that we love because we had that time set that we could get everyone done all in one night. So on fast Sundays is once a month and it's it just, Ah, one Sunday, a month or we take our boys one at a time and we bring him in and we have just a fun conversation with them. And we wanted to do this because we wanted Thio open up a very safe environment for them so they could talk to us about anything because we know as they grow and become more like teenagers, some conversations are very hard and it's embarrassing, or it might be just difficult. And instead of shutting out and avoiding us, we wanted them to know they could always come and talk to us and that there's this time set aside, they could do that. They wanted to. And so once a month we take our kids in and we just wanna time and we started the youngest. We d'oh are a little fight hurt. Well, we don't do our hero. He's not much conversation, but our five year old he comes and we ask him, What's your favorite ice cream? And then he'll tell us his favorite ice cream. What's your friends at school? And we have very easy going conversation. Then we go a little deeper. How are you getting along with your brothers? Is there anything you know that's hard? Or and sometimes conversations are? Well, he always talks to me at night while he reads the book and I don't know, like it says. Sometimes we're rolling her eyes like, Oh my God! But this open communication has come and they always know they can talk to us and they can say whatever they want. This is set up to be a safe zone, so whatever they say, they know that you're not gonna get in trouble about it. We're just going to talk through it and so they can say whatever they need It's a safe place for them. They could be open, talk about things. And really, if you think about this as star weather in our temperature, we've set up an environment that's a great weather in a temperature because they are very much looking forward to this. They love coming and doing this. They love the one on one time with mom and Dad, and it also sets us up to be good at listening. And we're in the right temperature toe, listen to them. And so I love that. And, you know, just the other night, actually, we were talking in with one of our boys and we're wrapping up. The conversation is like, Is there anything else you want to talk about? And he made some fun joke or whatever you're laughing or like Okay, you know, this is fun. Well, about 10 minutes after we're done with everyone, this one little boy came up and he said, Hey, Mom, remember how we talked about this one time and I was like, Yeah, and he's like, I was kind of struggling with this and I was wonder if we could talk more about it because I need help and I was like, 00 okay. And I would have been a party happening on my life. It was and I was like, Be cool, be cool. It's like, Oh, um, yes, that sounds great. Let me just think about some ideas and they were We could talk about it. I'll talk to Dad and and we'll meet back and we'll have, uh, we'll go. We'll talk about it. And inside I'm just leaping for joy because I knew that was a very brave thing for him. To. Dio was very brave and he told me afterwards. He said I really wanted to talk about it during our special time. We call it and he says I was so nervous, But afterwards I kept thinking about it, and I think the Holy Ghost told me to come and tell you that I needed to talk about this and it just made my mom heart explode. And I really think it all stemmed from a safe, good right temperature, right weather environment that he knew we could talk about those things and those things we've been talking about before. And he knew he could do that and it didn't happen during, but the communication was open

spk_1:   12:38
and it was triggered buy. It really was him knowing that that opportunity was coming and preparing himself. And even though he wasn't ready, then he was ready very shortly after. And I think it had everything to do with him coming to you. I

spk_0:   12:54
love that and even asked him like So Okay, if I share this and he said, Yeah, Mom, that's fine. So I wasn't too personal. I I just love this concept that we're talking about. I love that maybe our home seem like hurricanes all the time, but we can create a space that opens it up and that calmed the

spk_1:   13:12
seas. It's so true. And really 80% of being seen and heard is choosing the right conditions to participate with other people. It really is. So now that you have a couple simple tools to set yourself up and those you love up for success, we're gonna talk a little bit about when you're weary.

spk_0:   13:35
What does it even

spk_1:   13:35
mean to be weary? I mean, I know I felt it before, and many of us, probably all of us have where your tank is empty. It's completely empty. You're physically, mentally emotionally drained and your strength is exhausted. Your endurance is exhausted. Your

spk_0:   13:54
freshness, freshness. What is that? I don't remember. The last time I felt

spk_1:   13:58
fresh and ready to go for the day were exhausted in patients and mental tolerance. When we get in these weary places that feel heavy and almost numbing, we start Thio, get stuck in this fog of fear, obligation and guilt. And this fog sets in when we're weary and that's all we see. All we see is what we're not. Things aren't turning around for me, and so I fear that I'm not enough or that I don't have enough to continue. And

spk_0:   14:36
then I start to think all these obligations. I am not fulfilling any of them. And then we

spk_1:   14:41
start thinking, Well, if I'm not fulfilling my obligations, I'm trying and trying a missing time after time after time, I all this guilt and that is Satan school, because what weariness really is if you think about it, you're not weary because you laid on a beach and had pina coladas, virgin people, virgin pina

spk_0:   15:03
coladas. You are weary because you have been running a marathon lifting weights in between, then swimming five laps like you're weary because you have

spk_1:   15:14
exerted a ton of strength and a ton of effort in whatever it is you're working towards. And Satan wants you to forget about that. He wants you to forget that, really. You're weary because your efforts are taking you somewhere you're getting somewhere because you're putting in the time the energy, the strength, you're sweaty and you're exhausted. You're not fresh. But there's a reason because you're moving somewhere instead of the fear and the obligation and the guilt that you focus on. Okay,

spk_0:   15:48
what efforts have

spk_1:   15:49
I put in start naming them and in our relationships with other people, when we see others in our life, our spouse or Children or the people that we love? And they seem wary where efforts can you point out what exertions of effort and work have they been putting in that you can say, You know what? You seem really weary, and I can see how much work you're putting in. I know how hard you've been trying. I know how long you've prayed for this. I see it. I see your work and it doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't meet. Bring the answer faster for them. But just someone seeing you helps you feel like it's all worth it. I can do this. Someone sees me working. Someone sees me trying. That is the same. When you evaluate your own efforts, it's really you see how

spk_0:   16:41
ry you are being weary. Remember one day my husband had come home from work and I was so exhausted from the day I had been baby sitting, some kids and my own kids and they had. But the kids have come over come really early in the morning, and we just had a fun day. It was a good day, but by the end I was just totally done and fried right? And I didn't get dinner. It was late and he starts cooking. And I'm so sorry. I should have done this. Ah, he's like, honey, you just put in a 10 hour date. Has, like, you're right. I didn't put it a 10 hour day. That explains why I'm so dire. And it just that acknowledgement that he gave me that night. Oh, I felt so much better just from seeing him saying that and recognizing that

spk_1:   17:26
was so helpful and so uplifting when someone sees you for your efforts. So we invited Seth on. We are going to share a story with you that recently happened. That explains this weariness and the power of climbing out of that fog, recognising it for what it is and to be seen and heard and how it can turn around the whole landscape that you see in front of you. And so I'm just gonna turn it over to him so he can I'm super excited. Oh, yeah. And people, this is really vulnerable. This is probably one of the most vulnerable conversations we've. Well, it's one of our top five.

spk_0:   18:07
One of our top

spk_1:   18:08
five vulnerable conversations we have had in our marriage. And it brought all the feels so welcome to the family. Thanks, guys. So, baby, I just need to get real.

spk_2:   18:21
So you want me to tell my story about being weary and communicating with you and how that increased our relationship? Cherish? Er yeah, right. Here's that. I love the word weary. Not because I like being weary, but because I think it is so descriptive of what it means. Right? Weary is not like physically, super tired, or like I'm exhausted or any more Sleep like weary is, uh, physically, emotionally, Mentally, It's all of it. Just tapped out your capacity. You know, you don't have anything left. Um, and I think sometimes we get weary. So in this particular case, um, about a year ago, I had recently gotten a new promotion at work, which was exciting and that I liked the new job, but it was very, very heavy, especially when I was first learning it. And Emma was about a year old. I'm a little bit more and challenging with you know what? She didn't sleep very well, and she still that she still doesn't sleep very well, actually. And so things were just challenging a home. We were physically, really tired at work. It seemed like every single day the list of things that I wasn't getting done at work seemed to get longer. No matter how much time I put in at work, um, and I adjusted my schedule previously before this to leave really early in the morning so that I could get home a little earlier in the afternoon so that I'd be away from family less. I just felt really tapped out because that work I wasn't getting it done, and I couldn't possibly sleep any less. And I couldn't get home any earlier. But I felt like I wasn't around enough, so I pretty much just felt like I was failing in every aspect of my life.

spk_1:   20:07
And he was doing an amazing job supporting me. He was trying to come home so that I would have time to fulfill my obligations on all the projects I was working on. So when he says early mornings, he means, like he was leaving at 4 30 in the morning so he could be home by 4 30 at night so that I could have an hour to do my stuff and we could still have family time. So I mean, talk about dedication. This is where the poor man and Emma didn't sleep, so he was getting, like, three hours. How many hours of sleep are you getting at night?

spk_2:   20:36
45 interrupted hours. And

spk_1:   20:38
if I interrupted is the key word

spk_2:   20:40
there. So anyway, so, yeah, I was definitely weird, but I just more importantly, almost in my case, I felt like I was failing in like every aspect. I was falling behind it work. I wasn't living up to what I needed to do as a husband. I was not around enough for the kids or these are all the things that were going through my mind because, as I would say, Oh, I have to work this weekend or I have to go do this thing I would interpret the look that comes across my family's face as, Ah, there you go again, like abandoning us or something. That the look on Alicia's face when I had to leave after she had a long day was something like You might see if I had, like, punched her puppy or something. I just was like like I was breaking my family's heart every time I walked out the door, and I just I couldn't, but I couldn't possibly be around anymore. But a lot of that was misinterpretation, right? So we one night after kind of the craziness of the evening and we do bedtime and all that kind of stuff. I just finally kind of said I need to talk about something here, and, um, I just I just told her I said. I feel like I'm a failure in every aspect of my life because of this and this Nestle things I've already talked about. But But it was really It was hard for me to say, because I didn't want to put any Maur pressure like on her, because I knew she was pretty well tapped out as well. Um, so it was hard for me to to bring it up, but I just kind of felt like I just had to put it out there and see. And the reaction was great for me because I said, I feel like I'm failing in every aspect of my life cause I'm just falling short everywhere and she said, I don't feel like you're falling short anywhere. And so my interpretation of the way that she must be feeling just wasn't right. You know, when she said no. I recognize your efforts in this area and you're doing fine here. And yeah, we're busy here and everything, but it was It just wasn't accurate the way I was viewing the world, um, or my world. And so that was super super valuable to me. But then we also work together to come up with a solution. Basically, we kind of redesigned my work schedule just slightly. So I stayed a little later, one night to get some things done. Relieve some stress on the work side, which made me more present when I was at home and all those things. So that conversation helped us to not only I understand how each of us was feeling, but it also helped us tow Try to find a solution that worked for us so we could begin kind of working down that pathway. So that was super super beneficial for for us and for me. And actually, it's been really quite good ever since on duh.

spk_1:   23:20
Like for our

spk_2:   23:20
relationship. Yeah, I think Yeah, it was. And, um, you know, when things were different A little bit different at work now and I think we're up to maybe six hours of interrupted sleep now. So

spk_0:   23:30
thank you, e Think to one of the

spk_1:   23:37
things that was shocking to me is that you works feeling all of these things. And I had no idea. I had no idea that he was walking around feeling like he was a failure, especially at home. I mean, I have tthe e best, most supportive husband I know, and I mean doing all the things and being so conscientious of my needs and going the extra mile. If anything, I felt like I wasn't keeping my part up to support him in the same way he was supporting me. And so once he talked about it, then all of a sudden Satan couldn't keep all of those thoughts in his head and in between us in our relationship, because none of it feeling at home. None of that was true, and I certainly didn't.

spk_2:   24:31
It helped. It worked, too, And it kind of removed the, um, remove the fog, if you will. And you know some of the other things you've discussed with this. This week's lesson is the timing of it too, right? I mean, we couldn't have that conversation at the dinner table with the kids around and stuff like that. It had to be. It had to be the right. The right timing, like the situation had to be correct, and I had to be open to deliver it, and you had to be in a place where you could mentally receive the you know, the message and stuff in that I mean, to be honest, that probably took us. Took me two weeks. Probably find that time, but But I was okay, you know, we just found it. So

spk_0:   25:10
I really think this story is very, very relatable on. Like, I think you just shared it for me and my cause. I know we felt very similar feelings. I

spk_2:   25:22
think almost everybody does. And one of the main things that I've learned is just how often we come Pleat Lee misinterpret what other people are thinking. And if you don't say anything and then as soon as I misinterpret with somebody else is thinking or I assume I know what they're thinking, then I start running an entire narrative in my head. Based off of that thought. If they're thinking this, they must also be thinking this. And then pretty soon, I'm I have to I get defensive in my own head in my own narrative about like, Well, but I'm doing this. How can you be upset that they're not even upset? Like none of this has actually happened? It's the narrative I created in my head through assumptions, Um, and then pretty soon I've run down this whole road of justifying my own narrative. And then they walk in the room Say, Hey, how are you doing? And you're like, What do you

spk_0:   26:09
you know? So, um, a valuable lesson today It is a good thing

spk_2:   26:15
I have an exceptional wife. As all of the listeners know.

spk_0:   26:20
E I also think I teach you that when you do recognise weariness in your spouse or someone you love to look, it may be why they're being weary and recognize it and say, Hey, you're trying to hurt tonight. This is what I'm seeing. I'm seeing all

spk_1:   26:36
these good things, too. So I love that. Maybe they don't have to come to you if we can. Or maybe they come to you sooner. If we're quick to say what we see like, yeah, I see that you're weary. But this is what I see you doing. Like you are helping me with this and you were helping with thought. And I'm so grateful for this and yeah, that you're doing. I think that helps. If there's one thing I've learned from this experience, it's just say it sooner. Say it sooner because the sooner you say it, The sooner the two of you, whoever that might be your spouse, your family member, the sooner you can see the rial like the reality instead of the fog instead of all the fair all all the obligation, all the guilt, it's weighing you down. It's contributing to your weariness. It's now you're running the marathon with a £50 backpack on, like, take it off. I mean, just say it sooner. If that's one thing I know now. I mean, once we say it sooner, then someone's running with us, and it just changes the whole experience.

spk_2:   27:45
Have sadly, Yeah. So create your moment. Pick your moment and then get to it. Talk about it.

spk_0:   27:51
Awesome. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for doing that. I love you, too. Said Emily

spk_2:   27:58
is pretty fantastic.

spk_0:   28:00
Just kidding. I'm just 1/3 wheel right now. No. Uh uh. All

spk_1:   28:05
right. That was great. Thanks for joining our family for a minute. And all the fun that happens there. So if you're feeling unseen and unheard and you recognize that it's because you've been head down and climbing for so long and you're super weary, say it sooner and say it to someone that you trust, and you can find that companionship with that will show you and walk you through. Talk you through why you're weary. Your strength. All right, our final point. We just want to leave you with three lines from the Scriptures that follow versus four and five. And the first line is in 1st 7 for the Lord God will help me. And then if we go down to verse eight, it says, Let us stand together and that is the purpose of all of this. It's so that in the end we can all stand together. We can sound with God. We can stand with our families here and there. And finally in verse nine again, it says, for the Lord, God will help me. Christ needed God's help, and he knew that God would help him. He

spk_0:   29:14
was doing

spk_1:   29:14
something hard, just like we're trying to dio. He was trying to speaking a season he was trying to have an open air, and he's talking on a much bigger scale. But we can still learn from his example, and I think God will still help us. I know he will, especially when our focus is on strengthening our family and building our relationships.

spk_0:   29:36
And when we do all these things we've learned about today all these things come together And we we learned from that scripture that says, Let us stand together When we do all these things we stand together and we're stronger And we are better people in a better person Until next

spk_1:   29:51
time we hope you feel more heard, More scene and more connected as you strive to emulate and learn from the savior. Thanks for being with us. It really wouldn't be the same without you. CIA. See you next time.

spk_0:   30:05
Thanks for being with us today And we hope you felt inspired, supported and loved. Valentine's Day's coming up So if you have a special someone in your life that you think might feel uplifted and supported and loved by listening to this podcast will share it with them as a token of your love. And hey, we're on instagram and Facebook So you could tag along there. And until next time just remember your best is enough. See you next time. Bye bye. Don't worry. The fun is coming. Hang tight. Do you ever feel

spk_1:   30:34
like your squirrel running around the world trying to get a nut.

spk_0:   30:50
Hey, Feeling unseen ways? Not Ah. Uh, All right, let's do that again. But yeah, that's right base. I don't know. I can't. No way. I can't do that. All right. Do you ever feel like a squirrel running around the world? Oh, yeah, I e Okay. Do you feel like a squirrel running around the world trying to get I think we're going in. Okay. Okay. Do you ever feel like a squirrel running around working out to keep the other one is